Pricey Annie: My son, “Tim,” is engaged to “Jennifer,” a lady whom he’s been seeing for a few years. They’ve two young children collectively. My downside is that Jennifer is not going to get a job. Tim helps all of them. She used to work, earlier than their first little one, however has not since.
We’ve all hinted to her about getting a job and even discovered jobs for her, however her reply is all the time the identical: “I can’t put my children in day care! No one is aware of them there.” Effectively, positive — no one goes to know them if they’re all the time dwelling and don’t meet new children and folks.
Tim and Jennifer plan on getting married within the subsequent couple of years, and I really feel like she’s making the most of him. Her mother was the identical manner when she was rising up. Assist! What can an individual do? He shouldn’t must work his butt off to help all of them. — Mama Wants Assist
Pricey Mama: I perceive your protectiveness: He’ll all the time be your little boy. However he’s additionally a grown man, and if he’s sad with the dynamics with Jennifer — which isn’t even clear, primarily based in your letter — then it’s on him to speak to her about it.
Probably the most you are able to do is let him know that you simply’re all the time there if he desires to speak about issues. Supply an empathetic ear. If he asks for it, then provide your perspective. However no matter you do, stop providing your soon-to-be daughter-in-law the classifieds part. As a result of regardless of our greatest (and well-intended) efforts, our family members have this pesky factor known as free will — and we have to settle for that reality if we need to have wholesome relationships with them.
Pricey Annie: I’ve a 45-year-old son who’s my complete life. However he has all the time been out and in of the drug scene. He has two sons of his personal, neither of which is able to communicate to him, me or anybody else in our household. This, regardless that he has all the time labored and paid his little one help. He does have a mood that’s out of this world.
Virtually 10 years in the past, he began going to church and was even baptized and saved. Now, he’s finished a 180-degree flip — but once more. He doesn’t work, and he’s presently dwelling along with his father and me. I attempt to speak with him, however I can’t appear to hold on a dialog with him with out him getting mad. But, he doesn’t seem like on medication or consuming.
We actually don’t know what to do at this level. We’ve all the time nonetheless invited him to church with us each time we go, however he by no means desires to go together with us. Any ideas for me? — Apprehensive About My Son
Pricey Apprehensive: Dwelling for many years with the illness of habit can warp one’s perspective — and I’m not simply referring to your son. You, too, have been dwelling with the illness, and it’s equally vital that you simply search restoration. There are lots of sources accessible, together with remedy; books resembling Melody Beattie’s “Codependent No Extra”; and packages resembling Nar-Anon (www.nar-anon.org/virtual-meetings), Al-Anon (www.al-anon.org), or LifeRing Restoration (www.lifering.org).
Whereas it’s nonetheless troublesome to satisfy up in individual for many people, Nar-Anon and LifeRing are holding on-line conferences by way of video conferencing, and Al-Anon hosts phone conferences along with on-line conferences.
“Ask Me Something: A 12 months of Recommendation From Pricey Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut e-book — that includes favourite columns on love, friendship, household and etiquette — is out there as a paperback and e-book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for extra info. Ship your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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